Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
His nipple licking is glorious
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