sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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