We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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