i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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