This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
