DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
