his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
