PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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