i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
