Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
