i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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