You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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