I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
