I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
