he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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