so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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