I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
