dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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