I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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