We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
