And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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