Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
