new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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