Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
