It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
