She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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