There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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