Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
