Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
