Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
is it fun? or sober?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
