Got a toothbrush?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you would pick up someone in the library
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
