Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
