you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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