..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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