WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
