Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
