toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
