There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
