if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
