I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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