I checked into jail on foursquare
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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