kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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