So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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