It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
