if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
