Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
