how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
