and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
