my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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