I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
