i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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