sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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