I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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