I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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