I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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