Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
