Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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