my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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