dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Your dad touched me again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
