Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
