So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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