I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
