ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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