I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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