yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
