What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
