oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
