i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
